My Story (Part Two)

If anyone missed Part One check it out here.




This is where things get really crazy, confusing and frustrating for me. I had never in my life thought that I would ever have to deal with anything that was yet to come in my marriage and in my life.

For the most part, I had your ordinary, average marriage. Granted, we didn’t spend a lot of alone time together. And by this I mean, we didn’t have a ‘date night’ or that time away together that you hear many couples talk about. Everywhere we went, we had our girls with us and if an invitation to attend an outing with friends did not include children, then we simply didn’t go. I know now that this was a mistake. However, at the time, I never gave it a second thought.
On the weekends when C didn’t have to work, he’d make plans with his friends to go hunting or camping or 4 wheeler riding. Knowing that I didn’t participate in any of these activities, he’d go without me, most of the time taking the girls with him, leaving me with some much sought after alone time. Still, I saw, nor thought, anything wrong with that. We did our own thing as many couples do.

I envied those who had their nights out with just their spouse and other couples. It was always something I wanted, but I never asked because I believed everything was ok with us. This was simply not the case. We didn’t work on our marriage, we just lived together and existed.
I am not blaming this particular behavior on why my marriage didn’t work. That is not it at all, it’s just something that I realized a little too late. Just as most of our marriage and the things that occurred in it (or not) were realized way too late.

After we returned from our first ever big family vacation, everything seemed fine and it was. Life carried on just as it had before, until one day when C and I got into an argument over something silly. For some reason, we didn’t speak to each other for several days and at this point I was starting to worry. Usually by this time we would make amends and everything was just as it were before the tiff began.

This time, however, it was not to happen. I panicked. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, as days went by and C would not talk to me. He told me that he needed some time and he lead me to believe that he was going to visit his sister who lived about 30 minutes away. I believed him. He did not return home until much later that night and I was already in bed. The next day he said we needed to talk.

After the kids were sleeping, we sat down to talk and he told me that he had gone to meet his daughter that day. (The daughter that he had fathered before we met) I had sensed that it was coming because of some of the comments he had made earlier, and I was glad that he had done it. Although, I was very upset that he had not told me beforehand. I was his wife! I was the one he was supposed to turn to and confide in, but yet he had lied to me and I was bitter, but I stayed composed (much to my amazement, and I believe C’s also).

The way it all unfolded was that he decided, after not much planning on his part, to get in touch with his daughters mother (who I will refer to as S) and ask her permission to meet his daughter( who I will refer to as J), if she were up for it. Little did he know that S was going through a divorce at the time and that J had found out about him at the age of 12 (she was now 15) and had shown no interest whatsoever in meeting or knowing him. His reasons (or so he says) for not telling me about all of this, as it occurred, was because he was not sure that this child of his would even want to see him and if that were to be the case and it all ended there, he did not want to involve me and upset me for nothing. Yeah, right!

I totally supported C in his efforts to become a part of his long lost daughter’s life. I told him that I would love to meet her and that eventually, if things went well between them, that we could sit down and explain to the girls that they had a half sister.
None of this happened at all the way we ( or I) envisioned it.

I was angry and bitter because of his lying to me and what he had done behind my back. I never told him that, but it was very hard for me. A few days went by and C seemed very relieved that I had reacted the way I had and agreed that it was the right thing for him to do. In the mean time, I was checking our cell phone records online and what I saw was very disturbing. There were many calls to and from S. I questioned him about the calls and he said that they needed to discuss things about J. So here I am thinking, this girl doesn’t know you from Adam and you pop up out of nowhere announcing your paternity to her, she decides to be a part of your life and now you have say so in what she is doing and how she behaves? That just didn’t jive for me. At. All.
Needless to say, a couple of days later, we got into an argument and C blew up. He refused to talk to me for days and I was slipping further and further into a depression. I had already begun to lose weight and it was noticeable. I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked him, out of desperation, if he wanted to leave me and he said he didn’t know.

I lost it.

I called my sister, hysterical and updated her on the recent conversation, as she knew what all was going on so far. She offered to keep my girls for the night and I am forever grateful to her for that and everything else she did for me throughout this whole ordeal.

Later that night, when C got off of work, we were to sit down and talk. Once again! I was nervous as hell……..

(to be continued.....)