Life's Little Complications

As most of you who read my blog know, I am divorced. The story of how that came to be can be found HERE HERE and HERE with the ending HERE. However, is there an ending? I don't think so. Honestly, I think it will never end and I hesitated to write this on my blog, but it is a form of therapy for me.



From where I stand, divorce is hard. I swear to you, I would never wish it on the most horrible of people. They say it is like a death and to me, it is so much more traumatic. Starting over is another story in itself.



Approximately 8 months after my separation from my ex, I met my Sweetie and we have been together ever since. Two years have gone by and I swear to you, nobody on this earth has loved me, nor conveyed it to me, in a better way than he has. I can not complain about that one single bit. It's the other things in our relationship that I have issues with. He has no issues, problems or complaints whatsoever, but unfortunately, I do!

Obviously, these issues are not ones that can not be fixed. I know they can be and I thrive every day to work on that. Part of the main problem is me! I have a hard time with trust, yet I have never been given a reason not to trust. (this particular man, anyway) I have problems with long term commitment, such as marriage, which is something that he talks about frequently. I feel as though, if I put myself in a particular situation, I will not be able to get out of it. (Not that I would want or need to, just something that eats at the back of my mind!)

All of the minor details eat at me everyday and I can't let them go. I have always been told to 'not sweat the small stuff', yet the small stuff is what is killing me.

With divorce and starting over (at this age particularly) comes a whole different experience than when you are younger and start dating someone new. There are now other people in the picture. As in children and a former spouse. My ex husband pretty much stays out of my business and seems to like my sweetie. He has been told nothing but good things about him by our girls, who love their daddy to pieces and adore my sweetie more than I ever dreamed they would.

Sweetie's ex wife, however, is a real pain and I am not just saying that. For the most part, she stays to herself, but she does not work, depends on her dad to support her financially and is always looking for a handout. There have been certain issues that have come up with their kids ( a boy and girl) that are really hard to deal with and I do not choose to be a part of, but do put in my two cents about. (Which I am very good at, I might add) When it is his weekend to have his children, sweetie goes back to his house for the weekend and spends his time there with them. Part of the reason for that is because I wanted it that way after countless drama-fests that included me wanting to rip every one's head off. Seriously!

So with that, comes a little less time that we get to spend together. Although he stays with me during the week, we do not get much one on one alone time, due to the fact that I cook, clean, do chores and run back and forth to the ballpark all week. Once we go to bed at night, one or both of us is usually immediately passed out.

Because of my ex's horrid work schedule, he has not had many weekends off, therefore the girls do not get to see their dad much (even though they talk to him on the phone several times a day). Which leaves my sweetie's free weekend to be with me also spending it with my kids. Again, no alone time. Honestly, this is not something that can not be changed. I know that I could get a sitter for the girls, but because I do not have many options in that department, it is usually a no go.

Relationships are hard enough to manage on your own, but when other people are involved, issues that you have no control over pop up here and there, and the time to really work on them is not available to you, it is even harder. I have been seeing a therapist on a regular basis, but I think he has only begun to chip the tip of the iceberg on things for me. He has reassured me that the reason my marriage ended was no fault of my own, that I can get through all of this and find the healing that I need to make this or any relationship work. I take great comfort in all of that and thrive to get past the smaller problems and work on the future.

One day I hope to be settled down again, with a home that I will make together with the man that I love, and be one big happy family. I guess until then, I will turn to this place, where I can escape. Into my thoughts!