First of all, my intentions are not to insult or belittle anyone for their own beliefs, thoughts, values, etc. I know that probably ninety percent of my readers are married and I just want to get it out of the way, to start off, that this post in no way was intended to offend any one of you.
And so now I shall begin.........
Most everyone knows that I am divorced. If you play a part in my life any at all, whatsoever, it's no secret. I just want to state that divorce was never something that I wanted, needed, or asked for. Nor is it something that I would ever wish on the worst of people. To state it plainly and simply, it sucks!!
For those out there that are happily married, I applaud you to the highest. There is nobody in the world that could be more happy for you than I. As a child, that was my dream in a nutshell. Grow up, get married and have kids. That is ALL I wanted to do. And I did. But then it all ended.
It seems as though lately a few people have inquired as to when I will get married again. Basically, I tell them, I do not know that I ever will. Not because it is something I do not want, nor that I am totally against it. I am not. I would love more than anything in this world, to be 'settled' again and blissfully happy. Honestly though, I do not believe it is something I need in my life anymore.
Years and years ago, and even today, many people did it with the intentions of the old adage, 'till death do us part' but I can not say that I feel the need to have someone tell me that it is required of me. I truly believe that I can have just as a productive, happy life as anyone who signs on the dotted line. I can not, nor do I want to, have any more children, so that is one less reason to do it. Secondly, the divorce rate is so high right now, and the numbers and odds are even higher that a second marriage will fall apart, that I just feel better playing it safe.
Of all the people that I know, and I know a lot of people, I have to say that at least 95 percent of them have been divorced. At least once. For one reason or another.
Most everyone knows what happened, and why I am divorced, and honestly I never thought or believed it was my fault. I could be wrong. I am only human. I know there are things that make me less than admirable on any given day, but who is perfect. No one.
So to sum it all up, I am happy with my life the way it is. I feel that if one day I decide to spend the rest of my days with that one person indefinitely, that I do not have to make it legal. I do not have to change my last name. I do not have to be tied to anyone via the bonds of marriage. I can just live happily ever after as is. And that is very well what I intend to do!
11 comments:
aaaaaaaaaawe....Amy girl...I am happy and sad all at the same time. I do fall in that category of the 1% who is "happily" married; but sadly (or happily in my case) that was not always the case. So no "mommy" lectures here... ;-)
I am happy for you that you are confident enough with yourself and happy enough with yourself and more importantly with your life that you do not feel the need to be Legally bound to another man (I was gonna say human...but with kids.....) Anywho....
But I am also sad for you, well not for you...more saddened that you had to go through what you did and it has destroyed those precious dreams for a particular life, that well, I think about 99% of women dream of as a child.
You know my story...well some of it anyway...to know the story of me in it's entirety would read more like a horror story...but alas I am a romantic, and you know I will say..."never say never".
Still I applaud you for your courage, strength and dedication to follow what you feel! And NO...you do not have to be married to live a happy, productive life...and I have no doubts that you will indeed do so!
~Hugs~
Only YOU know what's best for YOU!! The only thing I would suggest is that even if you close doors....don't lock 'em, lol! It's your perogative to change your mind too!!
I swore I would never, ever get divorced. But I did. Because some things are not meant to be and being happy is much better than miserable! I truly believe I made a much better choice the second time around because I knew what worked, and what didn't, and what I wanted and what I wouldn't tolerate. I think when you really figure out what you want, you find it.
Hugs and be happy!! And don't let anyone TELL YOU what being happy means for YOU!!!
I think this was a very personal and powerful post.. I am glad to hear your point of view. I am happy with what you think and want for you. That is all that matters. If you are not happy then things will not work..
Enjoy your night..
I imagine I would feel the same as you if I were ever single again. I don't plan to be single again...but I think you have the right attitude. Hopefully people will leave you alone in your happiness!
I felt that way for a long time after my divorce and honestly didn't plan to or want to get married again. I am so glad now that I did remain open to the idea when I met someone and have been happily re-married for 8 years. I really enjoyed reading this post!
How strange that JUST TODAY I was dwelling on what it must be like to be divorced, with children, and to weave through all the crap that goes along with it.
I was driving my kids to the doctor this afternoon and I saw a woman and man and small boy outside an apartment complex. It clearly looked like "drop off/switch up" time from one parent to another and it made me sad. I was sad for these strangers and for the adults, and I wondered what that must feel like from the parents' perspective. I've been in the child's position. I KNOW what that is like...but from the parent's?
I've watched my grandmother be alone for 28 years after my grandfather passed. Still is. I've watched my mother remarry twice, nearly three times, after divorcing my father. I've watched the neighbor gentleman remarry less than a year after his wife passed so that he'd have companionship during his retirement years.
My point? It's a very personal choice and I think everyone is built to accept and do and live something different. People keep trying to tell me what and how I should feel about the number of children I have...and any that could or should (not) come in the future. I think divorced and single people get the same unsolicited advice. And it is useless. No one is you. :) No one knows what you want or need. I admire bloggers who can put all these thoughts and feelings out there. Enjoy the relief that comes with this post!!
I agree with what you said and I love the way you said it! Bloom where you are planted. Some folks have a really hard time believing that a person can be happily single and that it can be done without feeling a huge void in one's life.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Dawna
www.akissandapeck.com
Amy, it's too bad that some people feel like they can get into everybody else business. You know what works for you and that's all that matters. :-)
Good for you for putting this out there! I think a lot of divorced women feel the same way. My mom has been divorced as long as I've been married and she always says she doesn't need a man in her life to be happy.......took her a while to get to that point because she was devastated in the beginning.
My marriage is very important to me and I don't intend to ever get divorced but I can see feeling exactly like you do if that ever happened.....losing everything I believed in.
Anyway, glad things are looking up for you and you are happy with your life as it is.
great post. beautiful, actually!
I was married for 5 years when my first marriage ended. I am now remarried and have a beautiful step-daughter and my husband and I have a 15 mo. old daughter together. I, too, never thought I would be divorced and for a while, I never thought I would be remarried. Remarrying isn't for everyone and I praise you immensely for being a strong woman/role model for your children and for all the women (and men, maybe) that read your blog.
Thank you for sharing your raw thoughts and honesty!
Oh some days I think I don't know why I'm in this and I know it may be easier on my own. I don't know what the future holds it could go either way. But I know I have to be happy and that will be the deciding factor.
Great post my darling!
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