Over at Tutu's Bliss today the discussion/topic is infidelity. Go check out what she has to say and leave your two cents!
I am giving my two cents (or maybe a dollar's worth) on marriage. When I read her post on infidelity my senses were alerted. My blogging fingers started twitching and I knew this was what I had to do. Ahem, so let us proceed:
I was married at one time and that marriage lasted for eleven years. The relationship, fifteen. I was fairly young when I married, a mere 25 years old. Looking back now, I should never have entered into something so serious because I did not do it for the right reasons. Hindsight is 20/20 they say, but we all live and learn.
Now that I have been there done that, I can see the whole picture, the greater scheme of things, if you will. Marriage is something that should be taken very seriously, nurtured and respected, worked on and celebrated. A union of two people who love each other more then either can fathom and of which the two persons can not and do not wish to, live without the other, for eternity.
Marriage is not all about the wedding dress, the pictures, the reception and a big party. Entering into it with your eyes closed and thinking that happily ever after will just BE is a terrible fantasy that will never come to light. Personally, I see too many people these days who get married and do not take the time to really 'know' one another and focus on their future and communicate the good and the bad. They just 'exist' together and never take a look at what is before them.
For example, my Sweetie has this neighbor-friend that just married a girl who he dated for TWO WEEKS!! There is no possible way that anyone can make me believe that these two people know, love and respect each other or have come to any certain conclusion that they will spend the REST OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER. No way! No how! I do no believe that for one solitary second!
I do not hold myself in high regard as a 'know it all' when it comes to marriage or relationships, because Lord knows I am just the average divorcee'. I just wish that more people would put half of their energy into working on their relationships, and communicating and respecting one another and this world would be a much better place to live in.
What are your two cents? I wanna know!
20 comments:
Amy, that is very well written.
I am sorry that your 1st marriage didn't work out. And, I think you have a good catch now, just by the way you talk about him.
I agree, there is no way the neighbors could develop a marriage-ready relationship in 2 weeks. WOW.
I think a lot of people get married before they even care about the person. Caring comes with time, anyone can say I love you, it's just words, but the caring that is shown through respect and actions is what matters to me.
I sure there are tons of opinions on this subject and I plan to head over and read the meme.
We have been married for 23 yrs and together for 27 yrs, so I think we are doing something right.
I like your two cents. Marriage is hard. I don't think people say that enough but even when they do no newlyweds ever listen. Thanks for joining in today! Jen
Loved you 2 cents -- I have married for 14 year and 15 together -- he is a wonderful man I could not ask for anything more.
Now my sister LORD she is on her 3rd marriage she don't make it past 5 years and she will get married and have a baby all in a year of meeting them. She has 4 kids for 3 different daddies.
Loved your post!
I agree with you. Marriage is a fluid thing that needs nuturing and work to grow and thrive.
I like your two cents too:) I also just met a couple who got married after knowing each other for 2 weeks. I know they say "when you know, you know" and maybe I'm crazy, but my husband and I dated for almost 6 years before we got married and we still know that we have to work for our marriage. Marriage is not an easy thing! People take it way too lightly imo.
I would agree with you! My hubby and I have been married for 11 years and he is really and truly my best friend. We don't have many friends so it is just he and I and I actually like it that way. I think he gets jealous because I blog to much...LOL We do work at our marriage and I have never been happier. I was married before and was to young. I have learned from that... liked your two cents...
I think what you said is knowledgeable and a "live through so you know" wisdom. I was just contemplating today the fact that no matter how we handle a situation TODAY...we'll almost always look back and see that it might or should have been done differently. No matter if we were successful on the first try. Relationships especially fall prey to this, and realizing that it's a bunch of WORK...we get so caught up always going for what WE want...individually, that the concept of marriage and work as one thought is hard to fathom. I certainly still have trouble deciding to compromise or give up my position on certain ideas. Grrrrr.
Well written.
I have been with NMD for 13 1/2 crazy years. We've been married 8. I think.
Anyway...Marriage...it is HARD.
Anyone who enters into it needs to really consider just how much work it can be. Heck, we've had the most insane year of our lives...living apart for 6 months, jobless, me going back to work, 2 special needs kids...it ain't easy...but it looked so pretty in the Bridal Magazines!
Love your story girl, you are so brave to put yourself out there. You make me smile and think of how hard marriage is and I so agree communication is key. After having Cole I let communication go out the door and started to ignore DH. It got very rough and he did some horrible things that he can never take back. After a lot of counseling and working on getting to know us we've come out stronger and even a 2nd baby. It still hurts when I think of what he did, but I know I'm not perfect and that we must move forward.
Love ya girlie!
Well, I'm the odd one. I dated my first husband for 4 years, married him and divorced him 4 months later. What a disaster! I met my current husband on a blind date. We married 6 months later. That was 28 years ago.
That said, I agree with you that people should be more committed to saving their relationships rather than bailing when things get rough. But both partners have to be resolved to work on it.
Marriage is hard work, but it's easy to tell yourself it will all work out when you're starry eyed in love!
I have been married fro 17 years and we've been together for 20. I agree, marriage is a lot of work but so worth it with the right person. We've weathered some really rough times but nothing near as devestating as infidelity.
Stopped by from SITS!
Honestly...I've been married 9 years today...and when I think back on our wedding day, I realize Scott and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. And I certainly didn't love him then like I do now. It's grown...through good times and bad, and will continue to grow...through good times and bad.
Thanks for sharing your story--I love your ability to be so open and candid.
Marriage ain't for sissies! It's hard work, but worth it if you are with the right person. Two weeks you say?!? That's crazy. that's not love, that's lust. :-)
Marriage is super hard. I don't think there is any one piece of advice that makes it all work
I do think a lot of young people rush into marriage because it is 'the next step'. I am lucky to have such a great man. I married young and we still have a long way to go but I'm confident that we will be there for each other through all of life's highs and lows. Other friends have fallen in the 'next step' trap. They are either divorced or already on very rocky ground. It is sad to see my mid-20s to late-20s friends already divorced. I think - at any age - like you said, couples really need to understand what they are committing to. Still, things don't always work out like we plan.
I'm a big believer in that the marriage is more important than the wedding.
I eloped and we spent the money on a down payment for our house.
I agree with what you wrote. I also got married young. 5 years in and I still think he is THE ONE. I truly hope I always believe that.
great post!
Leavin some love from SITS!!
They need to make marriages and divorces harder to do!!! If you had to really think about it, and knew there wasn't an easy "out", I think it would save alot of people alot of heartache!!!
Remember when you had to go to court to plead your case?? And a judge said yes or no!!
Very well written and I couldn't agree more! Our wedding cost us less than $100 - we knew that we wanted to be together and that was all that mattered, though I do still get hounded by my family about when we will have a "real" wedding. ha!
Great post on marriage....it is hard...but I have had a great one for 37 years...Stop by and visit me when you have some time.
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